Closing Remarks

I don't know how else to say it, so I'm just going to come right out with it and be blunt. I will be closing this blog. It may be next week and it may be next month but its time to say goodbye to this blog.
When I started this blog, I was just a teenager, I remember how excited I was to be a blogger, ( I thought it was a big deal.) It was thrilling watching the page views grow and grow, and amazing to know that people not just in my country but other countries were reading Bat Of An Eye. I took this blog with me on the journey from awkward teenager to the messy life I live today.
Part of the reason I'm closing it is that, I don't get nearly enough time to write here as I used to anymore  ( things have been difficult lately and difficult situations make it difficult to blog.) . Another reason is my viewing numbers have declined, and that's totally understandable because my post are few and far between.
I'm not saying I will never blog again, I just wont be blogging from here any longer. I may keep this blog up until I'm writing again, elsewhere and then send a link for anyone who was dedicated to reading this crazy stuff. Hopefully I will be able to update it more than I've updated here in the past few years.
I'm just trying to get my life together, In a few days I'll be 21, I have dreams I want to make reality and goals I want to accomplish, I will definitely be writing again somewhere. Please don't look at this as "Goodbye". Look at it as "See You Later"...I feel like were breaking up. This is awkward. I just feel like I've grown out of this blog. Fifteen seems forever ago.
If you were a dedicated reader, you have my sincerest heartfelt thank you. And if you just stumbled across my blog and decided to give it a read, I thank you as well.  Thank you for reading my life. I hope it was entertaining and I hope you will stick around until I can give you that link. You've basically read my diary, Its been a joy writing for you, however boring or sad it might have been to read.



-Thank you for reading Bat Of An Eye.
Helen Elizabeth Jordan

What exactly, is my problem?

I'm trying not to become irritable, But there are so many things that I have not accomplished. So many projects that are not finished and as much as I would like to blame it all on 14in. of snow, It has nothing to do with the weather, and everything to do with depression. I set my alarm for 8:30 a.m. and still manage to sleep through till 11:00. Then I only have a small amount of time to do what needs to be done for the day, Now that I have to go outside every so often and use a snow shovel, I  have even less time to do anything besides read a chapter in a book and eat dinner. Suddenly I wish I were still working. At least I would feel as if I had accomplished something at the end of the day. Instead I just wake up at 10:45 and feel like a bum. I need to arrange my poems and I need to write, I need to do this and I need to do that,

So why is it that all I can think about is "I wonder when this day will be over and I can go back to sleep."

Literally all I can think about 90% of the time is "when can I go back to sleep" and when I go to write something  its filled with unhappiness, because I am unhappy, something about my life is so unsatisfying and I have yet to realize what it is. I'll let you know when it hits me, but probably not because I may take a nap first and then when I wake up from the nap and say to myself "Maybe I should blog today." I'll talk myself out of it. Read, eat dinner and then go back to sleep until winter is over. Why? Because I'm a sad, loser. To put it plainly. As of now my life is a moose turd.

In other news,,,

Update on books:

Some of these were given to me as Christmas presents, some were ordered from Thriftbooks and some were given to me by friends, I particularly liked "Welcome to my Planet" by Shannon Olson, "Tick Tock" by Dean Koontz, and "Cracked" by K. M. Walton. (Side note: True friends share books they've already read and they don't mind when you "forget" to return them.)

-Liz

Life On Earth

Its a brand new year. I will be the first to admit it, I'm a pessimist. I tend to never get my hopes up. However, I have high expectations for this year. Instead of making a ridiculously difficult new years resolution, I've simply decided to ENJOY MYSELF this year. I usually put my personal happiness at the bottom of the list of "Important things", so this year I'm going to try my best to smile more, to have a less conservative attitude toward new things, new experiences and new people. I know I've said I wanted to become a rock because rocks don't feel anything they just lie around not caring about anyone or themselves or weather they are a rock or not. But I cant stop caring. I have decided that I no longer want to be a rock, Instead I should like to be play-dough. I'm going to let life tear me apart and  roll me around and mold me into something (someone) alive, I've got great people in my life now, and I don't want to lose them by being indifferent about everything, In fact, I like them quite a bit, I want to continue having them near by. I want to have opinions, I want to care. Because that's one of the most human things I can do. I can care. What I'm saying is, I want to keep living, while there is life on earth. Happy New Year.

-Liz

Drowning.

I haven't updated this in a while, and I'm sorry.

Actually I'm not, because I've been busy so I haven't really thought about posting anything. And the times when I could have been posting I've been reading. 

I've been working as well, let me just say, saving money is not easy in any way. I've been trying to save up for Christmas but its not looking good. Does anyone else have those certain people in their family who always say the same thing every year when it comes to Christmas "You don't have to buy anything for me." but what they don't realize is that, YOU WANT TO BUY THEM SOMETHING or you wouldn't be asking them. Correct? AND by saying that they leave you with no idea of what they would like, so you have to go out to every store in search of something they "might" like.

Here are a couple of things you missed while I was away. I took a picture of my feet while wearing socks and sandals and realized the look was extraterrestrial. 

Halloween happened. My mom helped us make this dummy to put outside, I helped Al carve the Jack-o-lantern. We had exactly one trick or treater. So my sister and I ate all the candy....

I got this sticker in the mail because I voted in 2012 and I wore it after I voted on the 4th. I got really excited. Not sure why.

My mother has been sick for the past week, So my sister and I decided to go run errands for her in town. It was pretty cold outside, the wind was savage and we basically jogged into different stores finding things Mom needed. While we were in IGA getting some things we got a fabulous dint in the car from a cart someone neglected to push to the cart return...

As for today. It has been rotten. I drove my mom around town all day. And got very annoyed. I've gotten to the point where I'd like to tell the world to just leave me alone, but that's scroogey, and I should probably be nice to children and puppies. but as for everyone else in the world, I'm really tired of being nice while people stomp all over me. It feels like I'm drowning.

 I need to take scuba lessons...oh wait, I cant swim...

-Liz

Self Diagnosed.

      For the past few weeks I've done nothing but read all day long (I'll be going back to work tomorrow, so I've been trying to get reading in, while I still can). I've been reading so much that I now have a very twitchy eye. Below you will find a list of the books I've been reading since the last time I blogged. Have in mind that I read a few I didn't care for (specifically the one about the kids in the mazes, don't hate me to much).

-The Maze Runner by James Dashner

-Cryer's Cross by Lisa McMann

-Eleven On Top by Janet Evanovich














-Between The Lines by Jodi Picoult & Samantha Van Leer














-A Confederacy Of Dunces by John Kennedy Toole (Strongly suggest this one.)

     From reading the first twenty pages of a book entitled "Overcoming Anxiety, Worry, and Fear" by Gregory L. Jantz, phD. I have self diagnosed myself with GAD, panic attacks, social phobia and social anxiety disorder, OCD and PTSD.
...says the girl with an Inferiority Complex and SEVERE Hypochondria,  (also self diagnosed)














     Today I realized that stepping in puddles while wearing mesh running shoes  and getting your socks wet, isn't as bad as it seems when you're being dragged along a trail by a very hefty dog in 80 almost 90 degree heat. It's quite cooling. Who said I was pessimistic?!

-Liz

Don't read this, it's sad.

         I'm so sad, this makes two of my favorite actors, who have passed away this year. Mickey Rooney and Robin Williams. It hurts when someone who's acting ability's/profession you admired so deeply passes away. I'll never forget these two people. And the way they managed to make me smile even when I felt like a complete waste of space. And with that I share a few scenes...

-Mickey Rooney

-Robin Williams

-Liz 

Floppy Retina

     

I don't know who made this but can I please borrow it? Thanks.

   Today was absolutely menacing. I woke up much too early and had a coffee, so you can guess how the morning went. I was wired and I was talking too fast. I kept trying to ask my Mom if she thought I would look good with an Afro and she kept ignoring me, even though I was yelling from the backseat, over the radio that someone kept turning up to drown me out. Typical. I think people like finding creative ways to tell me to shut up.
      My Mom's  ( who has been having a bizarre array of health issues) eyes have been screwed up for the past week and we took her to see the optometrist and ophthalmologist. Not only did we have to wait forever in a room with four screaming children (one in-particular accused me of tightening the soap bottle lid in the restroom, now that I think of it, I wish I had. Is that bad?)
     My mom had talked with me last night, she was afraid that her retina was detached and they were going to tell her that she would have to have it surgically corrected, that she wanted me to go into the examination room with her. So when they called her back I stood up to go in with her and my sister followed and the Optometrist quite rudely says to me "We don't need you in here, go out there and sit down." Nothing ticks me off more than things like that. I wouldn't have went with my Mom if she didn't ask me to go. I don't like being spoken to like a child, I'm 20 years old. And I'm not about to be scolded by a complete stranger. What a poor way to run a business, being rude to your customers will only result in one thing, no longer having customers. After seeing the ophthalmologist and leaving she told us that he had said the retina wasn't detached but some gel or something that is around the retina or in the retina (I know nothing about eyes, don't judge me.) was flopping around in her eye (and the doctor said it was "annoying" can I just say DUH). So yeah, my mom has floppy retina stuff.

       I realized something while standing in line at the Dollar store, that I didn't notice before, and that is precisely this, That British royal baby, I think his name is George (yes, no, maybe?) is freakin adorable.

       Random facts.
1. BBQ Chicken Lean Pockets are amazing.
2. I'm pretty sure I don't want to ever get married.
3. Your fly is open. (HA! Made you look at your crotch :P)

-Liz